Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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