I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
