smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
