I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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