If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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