Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
