I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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