god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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