I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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