this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
