I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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