I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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