so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
