i jhust puked up my retainher.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
