Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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