You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
