We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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