apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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