VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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