I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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