Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
