I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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