I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize