ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
