The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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