I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just threw up on my dentist
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
