I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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