Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
