there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
