when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
