In the future we'll all be gay
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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