I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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