GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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