dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
