I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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