a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
