I feel great
I just peed on a car
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
