It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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