I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
