Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
