It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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