Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
