and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
