ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
