in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
