i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
there is puke in my bra ... again
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