i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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