Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
