I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
