i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
