I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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