Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
