R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
