So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
