I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
