I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
