I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
