Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
