I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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