Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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