I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
