Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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