NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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