he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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