Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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