What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
