Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
