We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
