dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
