My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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