You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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