Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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